Thelma & Louise

Last Saturday, I flew out to spend a week with Annelien in South Bend, Indiana. The flight started off pretty well. I was seated next to a big woman dressed in shorts. It felt as if American Airlines had hired this girl to prepare me for an upcoming culture shock. We all know that only very few people have what it takes to wear shorts in public. Yes, maybe some of my friends who are swimmers and runners have the body to run around naked. Almost everyone else should get a ticket for wearing briefs on a plane. There was no shorts police in sight, so I tried to focus on my Alan Hollinghurst book – which was not that hard – instead of on the bulky thighs next to me. Ultimately, I got safely to Chicago.

Chicago is a wonderful city. It tries to be greater than New York, but of course, that is impossible. We spent the weekend strolling around Bucktown (the Brooklyn of Chicago) and visiting the Institute of Art (where we got lost and enjoyed a wonderful and eclectic collection) and Oak Park (where Frank Lloyd Wright built his first house). People are very friendly in the Midwest. Some of them are a little bit old-fashioned – and I am using that word as a euphemism here. I’ll give you an example. On the “El,” which is the Chicago subway system, a guy started hitting on Annelien and she told him that she was married. “To her,” she said, nodding in my direction. “Oh, so you are her husband?” he said to me. “No! Of course not. I am not a guy,” I said, rolling my eyes like teenagers sometimes do to make sure people around them feel lame. I gave him the dirtiest look I have in my repertoire and he ran off looking truly scared.

Also, we got carded every time we ordered a drink, which is something that just never happens in California. Maybe it was my new Neutrogena anti-wrinkle cream suddenly showing its effects or maybe it’s just that alcohol hasn’t been legal for that long in the Midwest. But I should stop complaining. We had a blast. The weather was beautiful and we rented a car and drove through the country all the way to South Bend, like Thelma and Louise.