We have been here for two years now. We have spent here two winters and two summers. Our honeymoon is over. At this point, it’s true love. It has gotten so far that I feel insulted when temporary and supposedly morally superior guests from elsewhere whine and whimper about the US. Everyone agrees it would be unfair to impute French oddities to the Germans – I leave it up to you to decide whether that would be unjust to the Germans or to the French. The European Union is not exactly one country. And along this same line of thinking, we should not confuse a laid-back, Prius-driving Californian with a Southern gun-wearing and swearing redneck who organizes a neighborhood barbecue in the trunk of his truck.
With the above caveats, I am almost ready to admit that some things in my new country are a little weird. Americans can stop reading here – all of the below is familiar to you. Or you can continue reading if you would like to know which things in daily life I find weird about your – our – country. I am not a sociologist (well, yes, I am car sociologist), but the oddities may have deeper meanings.
Dressing Up. Some habits are just odd, but seem harmless. Think about the bizarre dressing up for parties, holidays and football games that I wrote about a couple of months ago. Americans take it very seriously. I just got back from a Halloween party with cowboys, clowns and Jessie from Toy Story. It was wonderful. I felt like a very lucky fly on the wall. Also, the whole Giants team was there. Like all of them! Sociologists say there is a lot of venting of all kinds of emotions going on when people dress up. It’s healthy. And I’d rather have my neighbor get into a funny dress for the Giants game and paint his face than that he would shoot a gun to let his emotions out.
Bathroom Doors. Some things are odd and annoying, like the open bathroom stalls with weird little doors. What’s the purpose of an open door anyway? A bathroom is not a saloon and flap-doors do not belong there.
In-Sink-Erator. And then you have the brilliant inventions like the In-Sink-Erator. When we first got here, we stayed at temporary housing in San Jose. It was a gated compound and Annelien hated it. These very first days, I discovered the first oddity. I was cleaning up the kitchen and I flipped the light switch, waiting for the light to flash on. Nothing happened, but I heard a grinding noise coming out of the sink. You should know that there is a little mixer in the tube that carries the waste water out of the sink. Press a button that looks like a light switch and whoops, your compost is ground before you flush it away. The only issue that I have to deal with now is a coffee spoon that got stuck in the In-Sink-Erator. Ugh!
Thank-You Notes. Also, the people I know here seem to be incredibly well-raised. Whenever there is an occasion to say thank you, they write you a thoughtful thank-you note. I know, more cynical people will probably say that Hallmark invented this wonderful custom. But still, it’s really nice to receive a sweet hand-written thank-you note. The only problem I am struggling with now is, do I need to write a thank-you note to express thanks for the thank-you note?
Hipsters. People are well-raised and fancy. Tattoos are very popular in the Bay Area. When you go to Valencia Street, you will see many women (butches and femmes alike) who have tattoos from head to toe. They have fancy bikes, cool messenger bags and groovy – oops, I think the word “groovy” has been prohibited since the end of the 70s – hairdos. It’s incredibly hard to be hipper than these folks. When I enter fancy little boutiques, people look at me. But I give them the eye. Really, like I am not hip enough or something?
Bad Boys Bail Bonds. When you have been pulled over for drunk driving or you had a little bit too much medical marijuana in your pocket and they want to make you spend the night in jail, the magistrate may impose a bail that you have to pay before they let you out of the big house. You can pay yourself or you can call an agent who will pay it for you and you obviously pay him a fee. Yes, Americans don’t only bail out banks.
(To be continued... I will tell you next time who the dog and the cobra are.)
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