Breaking Up (For Now)

California and I decided to take a break. Don’t worry, it may not be final and we are still good friends. We just decided that we both can see other people. She was pretty cool when I broke the news that I would be leaving Guerrero Street and Silicon Valley for a little while to be in Europe with Annelien. She knows that my Californian affair was so much fun because Annelien was there with me. And everyone knows that California is all about love. I must say, even though California isn’t very talkative except for the occasional earthquake, she told me right away that she was totally on board with this new arrangement.

We were together for three years and it was love at first sight. Annelien remembers me coming home from work after my first day in my little San Jose cubicle. I was ecstatic like a little child. I couldn’t take any pictures the very first days because there was so much to see and hear and smell. There were so many odd things to talk about: no more pecks on the cheek but hugs; open bathroom stalls like in Kindergarten; no more coffee but “a grande latte machiatto, skimmed milk with a hint of vanilla,” and cities as big as Belgium. And above all: so many wonderful people from all over the world, from so many backgrounds. I was in awe. 

(At Intelligentsia in Silver Lake, LA, drinking coffee with the hipstas.)

California is beautiful and she knows it. When I drove to work in the morning sun on I-280 South, California showed me her morning glory. After the thick fog around Daly City, I got to see the beautiful skies around Hillsborough and many mornings I saw deer grazing on the hills at the Woodside or Black Mountain exits. It was as if California was batting her eyelashes and showing me her beautiful eyes. And I fell for her. Big time.

Annelien showed off her nice new ear muffs in Bern. (Or "ear muffins" as a cute Italian called them.)

She is kind too. Her people are the most amazing. One of my first days into the new job, my colleague Adrienne brought me a big Tupperware box with homemade dinner for Annelien and me. The first Friday after work, my colleagues Paola and Sivan took me out for drinks. And then others took me on Sunday morning runs and gorgeous bike rides and camping trips and opened their houses and hearts for Annelien and myself. I heard thoughts and opinions from so many different environments but usually we were all preaching for the choir – with our NPR and New York Times inspired positions about the health care bill, the death penalty and LGBT rights. Aaron introduced me to gay rights activism. I felt privileged to sit on the first row of life and see everything from up close when Aaron and his team won the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell after fighting for almost two decades.

(Murals in Bern. You would almost think you are in San Francisco :-)

We have had our differences and little quarrels here and there along the road though. But hey, let’s not hang our dirty laundry out in public. It breaks my heart that Hillary Clinton – after her historic speech in Geneva about LGBT rights she can do no wrong in my eyes – is sometimes judged in one go with Newt Gingrich because they are both Americans. There are many Americas just like there are many European Union member states and regions. We shouldn’t throw the baby away with the bath water. 

I packed my bags and moved out a couple of weeks ago. It’s a good thing we didn’t have any kids or a dog together but just a car and some personal items. The practical break-up wasn’t too difficult. Movers helped us pack our belongings. Everything was loaded onto a sea container and put on a boat at the port of Oakland – right that day when the Occupy Oakland movement took over the port. We didn’t have to deal with any divorce lawyers. I just had to go to the immigration office to have my biometrics taken. California knows that I am keeping my green card so I can come back. Her mother is fussy about that. She won’t let anyone into the house without the proper credentials. California’s mom isn’t the most gay-friendly either but we are on speaking terms and she is evolving so rapidly that I am optimistic about our future (as long as the right guy wins the elections).

(This is how I dress to walk to work in Bern -- following a slightly different dress code than in sunny California. Only the hat is missing. Your ears freeze off if you don't wear a hat.)

And between you and me – I don’t want to make California jealous – I must admit that I have had a blast these first few weeks back in the Old World. Auf Wiedersehen!